Tipping - it's not optional

Tipping is probably the thing that daunts me most about the US. It's too easy to get wrong.

You don't tip here, except in good restaurants (around 10%), and you'll tell the pizza delivery guy or the taxi driver to keep the change (handing back the coinage if appropriate). And that's it. Easy. In fact, some hotels explicitly ban staff from accepting tips.

By contrast, in the States, you do tip, indeed you must tip. And I get that it is part of the culture, and that it is the corollary of having very low minimum wages, particularly in the service industries.

Where it is paid to reward excellent service, I have absolutely no problem.  Where it is paid in advance, to discourage poor service, I'm less comfortable. Where the percentage is set, regardless of the quality of the service, it really gets my hackles up.

On my last day in Las Vegas last year, I decided to splurge on a few hours of indulgent luxury in the form of a morning at the hotel's day spa. I knew it was stupidly expensive - the price list made that clear. But down the bottom, in the very fine print, it tells you that a 20% service charge is added to all spa services (and that they don't pass it all on to the service provider). If the tip is fixed, why don't you just include it in the price?!? And you have to pay the whole lot up front.

Which meant that I didn't get to refuse to pay the tip to the beautician who did my facial when she BURNT MY F#CKING EYELID - full-on, skin-peeling, agonising burn. I haven't had my eyebrows waxed since, it was that painful. How does having a mandatory service charge discourage that kind of unprofessional carelessness?


So.  Questions for the audience:

1. I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own bag. I don't want or need a bellhop to take it to my room.  Do I have to use one? How assertive can I be in telling him to bugger off?
2. Do I leave a tip for housekeeping all at the start of my stay, or day-by-day, or all at the end? How can they tell which money is put out for them, and which is me just not putting my shit away properly.
3. I understand that if the service is truly abysmal, I should still tip, albeit an offensively small amount, so they know I didn't "forget" to tip. What if I don't have a choice (eg where the "gratuity" is included on the bill)?
4. I hate carrying cash, particularly small denominations and coins.  How do people make sure they've always got enough cash, in sufficiently small denominations, on hand to fulfil their societal obligations? And how do you find the appropriate denomination in a hurry when all the notes look the bloody same?